2024

the year I lived in the real world, instead of only in my head

During the last gathering for my dear friend Samar Johnson’s, Ensouling container when they asked folks what we wanted to share about our ascending journey from the underworld, I said to the group, “I lived in the real world, instead of in my head” because I did indeed do exactly that in 2024.

I experienced more joy than I have in the last 5 years by building new community and reconnecting with old friends, prioritizing rest and pleasure, letting my inner child play, not letting my fear consume me from being truly seen, and I experienced radical intimacy in all my relationships in a way that was both challenging and nurturing.

2024 is the year I began to confront all parts of myself and to truly love them in all my intrusive thoughts and old patterns. I began to befriend them and understand why they exist in therapy.

I got off Instagram and saw my creative practice evolve rapidly. I sang so much in especially songs that remind me of home and my ancestors while quilting and sewing. I reclaimed and reintroduced my voice by setting boundaries, saying no full stop and leaning into trusting my magic, intuition, and self through my ritual and creative practice.

This was the year I began to unravel my tendency to fawn and to say to that part thank you for protecting me, but you are no longer needed. My heart broke in so many ways but also slowly began to soften the armor around it. I let people in who deserved to be in it who truly get me and don’t shame me for all my weird, quirky tendencies but also hold me accountable.

I relished in the pleasure of water in all forms: in creeks, quarry’s, rivers, pools, hot tubs, and the bathtub always my forever home. I let myself fully play and explore new things and hobbies I always wanted to try but fear previously stopped me from buying a mountain dulcimer, signing up for a singing class, supported my first birth as a doula since 2022, and fully lived again after 2 years of feeling like my body was a cage because of chronic pain.

I found myself again in 2024 and came home to my body in a way I didn’t think was possible by feeling my feelings and sharing my inner thoughts without filtering first in my head before speaking. I lived fully and I loved tenderly and fiercely.

Yes, we live in an absolute hellscape but my trust in my community and the encouragement and tenderness I receive from my beloveds is how I make it through.